1 00:00:02,080 --> 00:00:05,073 We're going to Santa Barbara to pick up the bassinet. 2 00:00:05,160 --> 00:00:07,959 Or we can save five hours and go around the corner to Baby Town. 3 00:00:08,080 --> 00:00:09,912 What are you doing all day? Jay! 4 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:12,879 - It's fine, Mom. - No, it's not fine. Today's Manny's birthday. 5 00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:14,519 Aw, geez. I'm sorry, kid. 6 00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:17,593 Don't worry. Reuben's family's taking me for a birthday lunch. 7 00:00:17,680 --> 00:00:20,115 You see? Even the Reubens remembered. 8 00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:24,114 We'll be back at 6:00, and we're taking you to a special birthday dinner, okay? 9 00:00:24,240 --> 00:00:25,515 We are? Jay! 10 00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:27,034 I'm sorry, kid. 11 00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:29,237 I wasn't sorry. It was a setup. 12 00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:32,074 We're throwing him a big surprise birthday party. 13 00:00:32,160 --> 00:00:34,959 And he totally fell for it, the little jerk. 14 00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:37,714 I mean, that's the whole point of a surprise party. 15 00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:39,320 You take someone who you really love... 16 00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:41,033 and you play him like a fool. 17 00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:43,476 That's not the whole point of all this. 18 00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:45,552 Manny has been feeling a little bit neglected, 19 00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:48,519 and I wanted to give him the most special day. 20 00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:51,877 This is the last birthday that it's only going to be the three of us. 21 00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:53,713 I can't wait to see the little dope's face. 22 00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:54,756 [ Clicks Tongue ] 23 00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:56,957 And then that smug Carol Chu was all, 24 00:00:57,040 --> 00:00:59,080 "You can't dig without an environment impact study." 25 00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:01,794 And then I was like, "Bam!" And I slapped the study onto Charlie's desk, 26 00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:03,394 and Carol was like, "But-But-But"- 27 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:05,392 And then I was like, "Chew on that!" 28 00:01:05,480 --> 00:01:07,160 - You said that? - Well, not with my mouth. 29 00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:09,556 With my eyes and my swivel. [ Snaps Fingers ] 30 00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:11,677 So how was your day at work? 31 00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:13,439 Oh, you know, fine. 32 00:01:13,520 --> 00:01:15,910 Okay. Yeah? 33 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:19,596 I'm an idiot. I know Cam's been struggling since he went back to teaching. 34 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:22,718 The students, the faculty- none of it's clicking. 35 00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:27,278 The last thing he needed was me going on about my latest work triumph. 36 00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:29,238 And then it got worse. 37 00:01:29,320 --> 00:01:32,040 Come on, Daddy. It's time for our wedding. 38 00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:34,680 - What's happening? - Oh, Lily and I are gettin' married. 39 00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:36,433 Uh, what's happening? 40 00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:38,432 When she proposed, I thought it was a little weird, 41 00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:40,910 but then I read it's a phase that some girls go through, so- 42 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:43,196 Oh, no. Well, I just think it's the cutest thing ever. 43 00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:45,556 Here, Dad. I made you this ring. 44 00:01:45,640 --> 00:01:47,199 Oh. Oh. 45 00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:50,079 Cute, cute, cute, cute, cute, cute, cute! 46 00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:51,594 Do you have a ring for me? 47 00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:53,990 Well, Lily, it wouldn't be a wedding without a ring. 48 00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:57,511 Yay! Yay. Loving this! [ Chuckles ] 49 00:01:57,640 --> 00:02:00,633 Daddy, move. Okay. I guess I'll just go sit on the groom's side. 50 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:02,598 Oh, come on, Cam. It's fun. 51 00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:05,354 Oh, it's fun. It's-It's super fun! 52 00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:07,511 You finally got married! Hooray! 53 00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:10,195 - Ow! - Oh, are you okay, sweetie? 54 00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:13,000 - [ Angrily ] What do you think? - [ Grunts ] 55 00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:15,228 ♪ Hey, hey ♪ 56 00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:23,596 ♪ Hey♪ ♪ 57 00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:28,311 This is very rare indeed. 58 00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:31,757 Geekus nerdipithicus in its natural habitat- 59 00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:33,758 alone as usual. Mine. 60 00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:35,599 Hey, give it back. 61 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:37,990 Gloria asked me to record Manny's birthday. Mom! 62 00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:40,117 Alex, give it back to your bro- 63 00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:41,634 Oh, sorry. I tried to care. 64 00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:44,160 Ugh! But this is everything I made at the boutique last week. 65 00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:46,436 I'm not gonna have any money left for me. Should've thought of that... 66 00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:48,153 before you got thrown out of school. 67 00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:50,197 - You live here, you pay rent. - You used to be fun. 68 00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:52,590 You used to be-What? Oh, yeah, at college. 69 00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:54,160 Uh, hang on. Wait. 70 00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:56,880 Gloria says that we are surprising Manny at 6:00 tonight, 71 00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:59,953 but she wants us there at 4:00, which means she's expecting us to do the setup. 72 00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:01,838 - I say we leave here around 5:00. - Great. 73 00:03:01,920 --> 00:03:03,479 [ Doorbell Rings ] 74 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:05,717 That's Kenny from work. Oh, I'll get it. 75 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:08,561 We're going to a street fair, so we'll just meet you guys at the party. 76 00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:11,274 Oh. You've been spending a lot of time with this Kenny from work. 77 00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:13,192 - Stop it right now. - [ Whispers ] Is it gettin' romantic? 78 00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:15,198 N- Yeah- 79 00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:17,511 - Well- - Yeah- 80 00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:19,080 Oh! 81 00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:21,720 Mom, this is Kenny. And Dad you already met. 82 00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:24,520 Uh, yeah. First of all, Kenny, sick ponytail. 83 00:03:24,640 --> 00:03:27,951 - Uh. Thanks, man. - Kenny designs jeans for our boutique. 84 00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:29,992 [ Claire ] Uh-huh. That reminds me, I got something for you. 85 00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:32,675 - What are you, a 32, 34? - What are you, 36, 38? 86 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:34,917 What are you, in my mind? Put 'em on your body. 87 00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:37,475 Will do. Will do. Phil, honey-Uh- 88 00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:39,791 Kenny is kind of a big deal. 89 00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:41,872 - [ Claire ] Mm-hmm. - What does that fashion Web site call you again? 90 00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:43,952 [ Scoffs ] A "jeanius." Spelled like "jeans." 91 00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:45,434 Oh. Mortifying. 92 00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:47,671 And a "rack star." Oh. [ Chuckles ] 93 00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:49,240 And what was the headline again? 94 00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:50,595 Oh, yeah. "He's Denimite." 95 00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:53,360 What an embarrassing week you've been having. Ooh, yeah. 96 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:55,716 I'm just trying to stay fresh creatively, you know? 97 00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:57,439 Made my bones in men's apparel, 98 00:03:57,520 --> 00:03:59,557 and now I'm working with these local boutiques- 99 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:01,120 just trying to get into girls' jeans. 100 00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:03,192 - Phil! - There's no Phil here. 101 00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:06,830 These jeans just slipped on me so perfectly, my name must be Pantsarella. 102 00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:08,752 Boom! Comfortable, right? 103 00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:10,280 - Like a diaper. - [ Kenny Chuckles ] 104 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:11,914 Well, we should get going. Oh, yeah? 105 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:14,196 Um, but you wanted to say... something. 106 00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:16,118 Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry. Yes. Okay. 107 00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:18,635 Uh, listen. 108 00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:21,633 You made it seem like you had jeans for both of us, 109 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:24,030 and Claire hasn't gotten hers yet, so- 110 00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:26,192 I am so sorry. Don't worry about it. 111 00:04:26,280 --> 00:04:28,875 Here you go. 112 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:30,514 Enjoy. Kenny, you're amazing. 113 00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:31,961 No, man, you're amazing. Have fun. 114 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:36,199 [ Laughs ] I love him. 115 00:04:36,280 --> 00:04:37,760 Phil! You think he liked me? 116 00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:41,112 Phil! That is a date. They're going on a date. 117 00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:43,600 What? He's practically my age. Okay. Uh, yeah. Right, right. 118 00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:45,439 And what middle-aged guy would be interested... 119 00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:48,115 in a young, attractive, newly legal woman? 120 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:49,680 Oh, that's right. All of them. 121 00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:51,035 That's not true. I wouldn't. 122 00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:53,510 Really? Hermione Granger? 123 00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:55,950 What? Mm-hmm. 124 00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:58,111 I'm just a Harry Potter fan. Yeah. 125 00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:00,715 Has she blossomed into a lovely young lady? Yes, but- 126 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,792 Luke, I'm never telling you anything! 127 00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:04,280 [ Chattering ] 128 00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:06,477 [ Gasps ] Oh, my God, Jay! Look how beautiful. 129 00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:08,161 Look at this. But the bookstore is empty. 130 00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:10,471 That's why China's kicking our ass. 131 00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:13,439 - Thirty-three! - Ay, no. Fifty-nine. 132 00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:15,477 We're so late, and we still have to pick up the drinks. 133 00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:17,121 Excuse me. I'm terribly sorry. Excuse me. 134 00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:18,640 Sir? This is my cake right here. 135 00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:20,552 How about I just leave money, I take it? 136 00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:24,270 - If I did that for you, I'd have to do it for everyone. - Not if you just did it for me. 137 00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:26,073 Thirty-three! Excuse me. 138 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:30,200 Excuse me. Hmm. We're in a hurry. We have a birthday party. 139 00:05:30,280 --> 00:05:33,114 Why didn't you say something? We don't see many of those around here. 140 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:35,351 You think you can intimidate me with that attitude? 141 00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:37,949 - What do I look like to you? - Thirty-four! 142 00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:41,351 Thank you. But the point is that my son is waiting- 143 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:43,836 Gloria, it's not worth it. We don't need these people. Jay, we need- 144 00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:45,513 Come on. We'll get a better cake. 145 00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:47,034 Are you crazy? How are we gonna- 146 00:05:47,120 --> 00:05:50,033 I've got it covered. Excuse me, miss? 147 00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:51,674 I'm sorry I raised my voice in there, 148 00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:53,000 especially in front of the baby. 149 00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:54,514 I know how delicate they can be. 150 00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:56,353 Oh, you're so nice to say that. 151 00:05:56,480 --> 00:05:58,153 But, you know, they're sturdier than you think. Yeah. 152 00:05:58,240 --> 00:06:01,199 - In fact, every day I learn these little- - Yeah, take care now. 153 00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:03,156 [ Laughs ] 154 00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:05,829 Hey, honey. 155 00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:07,758 Daddy, what's in the bag? [ Door Closes ] 156 00:06:07,840 --> 00:06:09,035 Oh, it's a present for Manny. 157 00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:10,952 And I also got your other daddy a little something... 158 00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:12,520 'cause he's been feeling down today. 159 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:14,791 - How's your eye, sweetie? - Oh, it's fine. It's just a scratch. 160 00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:18,277 Let's go this way, honey. Oh, Cam, are you wearing a suit to Manny's birth- 161 00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:19,589 Oh, wow. 162 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:21,433 [ Cameron ] Okay. Let's get your hospital band off. 163 00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:23,870 I like it. Okay, that can be your "something blue" then. 164 00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:25,553 - Cam? - ♪♪ [Stereo: "Wedding March"] 165 00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:28,036 Daddy, I wanna drive my car. [ Mitchell ] A car? Oh. A car. 166 00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:30,396 Just a second, sweetie. Okay. 167 00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:32,358 Does anyone know a reason why these two shouldn't be wed? 168 00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:35,478 - She is my wife. - Okay, so by the power vested in me... 169 00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:37,631 - by the State of Candy Land- - And Utah. 170 00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:39,552 I now pronounce you husband and wife. 171 00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:41,996 Daddy, I wanna play with my car right now. 172 00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:43,560 Okay. Of course. Yes, sweetie. 173 00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:46,281 But remember, we have to walk down the receiving line. [ Chuckles ] 174 00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:48,710 Oh. Oh, what a turnout. 175 00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:51,994 [ Mitchell ] There she goes. 176 00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:55,238 You got her a car? I can't help it that you skimped on your wedding. 177 00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:57,073 Okay, look, I know what's underneath all this, all right? 178 00:06:57,160 --> 00:07:00,153 Right now, in your life, you're feeling, you know, very- 179 00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:03,711 No. Please do not turn me marrying my daughter into something ugly. 180 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:05,359 Lily is having the time of her- 181 00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:08,751 - [ Crash, Car Horn Blaring ] - Ow! 182 00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:10,957 - Cam! - Oh, please. Do not blame me. 183 00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:12,912 We always knew there was a strong possibility-[ Horn Stops ] 184 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,514 She'd be a terrible driver. 185 00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:20,751 I know we're running late, Claire. We'll be there soon. 186 00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:23,400 Just start setting up. What do you mean, "Surprise, surprise"? 187 00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:26,240 Ay. [ Grunts ] Hang on. I've gotta go. You take care. 188 00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:28,272 What's the matter? Jay, I can't find the parking ticket! 189 00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:30,596 Calm down. Everything's gonna be fine. [ Sighs ] 190 00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:32,513 Good. It's a male attendant. What does that mean? 191 00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:35,434 How would you get out of this situation if I wasn't here? 192 00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:38,115 - Mmm! - Hey, pal, my housekeeper forgot her ticket. 193 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:41,796 You're going to need to back up, go up to the third level and find the pay station. 194 00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:44,714 Ay, you can't just let us go? 195 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:48,077 I know I put it somewhere here, but I cannot find it now. 196 00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:50,231 Pay station, third level. 197 00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:52,118 Maybe you can let us go now, 198 00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:54,516 and then next time I do you two times? 199 00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:57,240 The only way you're going to get out is to go back to the pay station. 200 00:07:57,320 --> 00:07:59,232 Actually, there is another way. 201 00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:03,393 - [ Gloria ] Ah! - You okay? 202 00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:05,989 Let's drive through something else! [ Laughs ] 203 00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:09,198 The gala celebration is only minutes away. 204 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:12,318 Delectable refreshments, excited classmates. 205 00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:15,472 And what's this? The most beautiful sight of all. 206 00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:18,155 Go away! [ Door Opens ] 207 00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:20,277 He's old. She's young. It's gross. 208 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:24,149 Honey, nothing's happening. Young people seek out older mentors all the time. 209 00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:27,233 When I was 17, I was really close with my friend Stacy's mom. 210 00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:29,317 Mrs. Robinson was a former cheerleader, 211 00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:31,596 so she knew just how to massage my legs after practice. 212 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:34,679 She had her own homemade Bengay that didn't burn no matter where she rubbed it on me. 213 00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:37,036 If I had the chance to go over there, I never missed an opportunity. 214 00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:38,998 I think maybe you did. [ Door Opens ] 215 00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:41,191 Oh, I forgot the present in the car. 216 00:08:41,280 --> 00:08:43,795 Oh. All right. I'm gonna go take a squirt while you grab it. 217 00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:45,678 Oh, my God. Hey! [ Laughs ] 218 00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:46,955 I know! Just- 219 00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:48,235 It's crazy! [ Kisses ] 220 00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:49,436 Mmm. Mmm. 221 00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:52,080 [ Footsteps Receding ] 222 00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:53,355 [ Door Opens ] 223 00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:54,994 I'm gonna fight him. Phil. 224 00:08:55,080 --> 00:08:57,675 No, Claire, I'm gonna fight him up real nice. 225 00:08:57,800 --> 00:09:00,076 How about you start with a threat? [ Growls ] 226 00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:03,040 Oh, hey, Claire. Um, could you help me with this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. 227 00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:04,514 You gotta go around the other side. 228 00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:06,518 I need to keep my eyes on Phil. Ooh, what's happening? 229 00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:08,557 He's about to drop the hammer on Haley's new boyfriend. 230 00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:10,632 He's twice her age, and it's disgusting. 231 00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:13,753 Reminds me of a certain manager at the Cheesecake Factory that you dated. 232 00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:16,992 Oh, Todd. He had a Camaro... and power. 233 00:09:17,080 --> 00:09:19,959 Ugh! He was nasty. You just did it to get a rise out of Dad. 234 00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:21,560 Yeah, well, look how well that worked out. 235 00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:23,916 It didn't bother Dad at all, and then I was stuck with a guy... 236 00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:25,872 who smelled like potato skins and said "supposably." 237 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,356 You have to admit, Dad played that pretty brilliantly. 238 00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:31,478 After a few weeks, you got bored with him and then you dumped him. 239 00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:35,435 I did. I dumped him up real nice. Mm-hmm. 240 00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:37,034 [ Whispers ] Phil. Claire-Oh, come on. 241 00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:38,759 Phil, you can't say anything to Kenny. 242 00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:39,830 What? No. 243 00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:41,400 I know why Haley is doing this. 244 00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:43,995 She's doing it to get back at you for being so hard on her. 245 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:46,919 I did the same thing to my dad. First of all, I'm not your dad. 246 00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:49,555 And do you think I'm just gonna let this happen? Trust me. 247 00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:51,996 The more it bothers you, the longer he stays. 248 00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:54,072 The more we ignore it- 249 00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:56,117 Hey. Up top, Dad. 250 00:09:58,360 --> 00:10:00,511 Yeah! Nailed it. 251 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:03,798 The sooner Willie Nelson's on the road again. 252 00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:05,519 I'm so conflicted. 253 00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:08,520 What you're saying makes sense up here, but it's not what I wanna do here. 254 00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:11,752 And I just feel so damn comfortable down here. [ Door Opens ] 255 00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:13,917 I forgot to tell you, I put that in the trunk. 256 00:10:14,040 --> 00:10:16,157 Oh, I know. I had to reach under your jeans. Uh- 257 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:17,435 [ Together ] Ah! 258 00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:19,113 [ Laughing ] I can't believe that! It's so crazy! 259 00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:21,431 It's adorable. Mmm. Mmm. 260 00:10:21,560 --> 00:10:23,358 [ Haley ] Wanna see outside? [ Balloon Pops ] 261 00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:25,318 [ Chuckles ] Yeah. 262 00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:28,637 - Sweetie, I brought you a cookie. - Mmm. 263 00:10:28,720 --> 00:10:31,758 I ate at the emergency room. 264 00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:34,475 You worked that in seamlessly. Oh, come on. It was-It was an accident. 265 00:10:34,560 --> 00:10:36,313 Stop beating yourself up. Hey, let's go mingle. 266 00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:38,840 No. You know what? Some of my students are here, and I'm just- 267 00:10:38,920 --> 00:10:40,559 I'm not in the mood. [ Sighs ] All right. 268 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,757 Cam, we're gonna talk about this. I know what's going on. 269 00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:44,513 You're obviously going through something at school. 270 00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:47,479 You're struggling, and I have just made things worse... 271 00:10:47,560 --> 00:10:50,075 by bragging about what a hero I've been at work recently. 272 00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:52,152 And it's-it's not a competition. 273 00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:54,232 You know, my victories are your victories. 274 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,601 - Your defeats are my defeats. - [ Girl ] Hey, Mr. Tucker! 275 00:10:56,640 --> 00:10:58,154 [ Note ] 276 00:10:58,240 --> 00:11:00,960 [ Tune: "Aura Lee" ] Bow across a cello string 277 00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:03,430 Piano keys a-hammerin' 278 00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:07,560 Voices raised in harmony 279 00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:11,475 For our dear old Cameron 280 00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:13,478 We love you! We love you! You're the best! 281 00:11:13,560 --> 00:11:15,153 Yeah. 282 00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:16,754 Yeah, it's been a nightmare. 283 00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:19,480 And thank you for assuming I'm terrible at my job. 284 00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:23,238 No! Um- 285 00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:25,440 Hey, everybody. Sorry we're late. 286 00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:27,199 We got caught doing a bunch of stuff. 287 00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:28,919 Or not doing a bunch of stuff. 288 00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:32,590 [ Sighs ] Okay. Manny is going to be here soon, so let's go over the plan. 289 00:11:32,680 --> 00:11:34,956 When we hear him coming, we turn off the light. 290 00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:37,191 Then when he comes in and turns it on, 291 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,875 we all scream, "Surprise!" 292 00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:41,599 You got a pen? I wanna write this down. 293 00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:45,037 He's coming up the driveway. [ Gasps ] He's here early. Hurry up! 294 00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:49,395 [ Gloria ] Hurry! Hurry! Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. 295 00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:52,353 Quick. I don't want the neighbors to see us. 296 00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:54,836 - You sure we're alone? - Yeah. They're not home till 6:00. 297 00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:57,674 Good. Because I want to give you your birthday present. 298 00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:03,949 Actually, I'd like to see your face. 299 00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:06,760 [ Screams ] It's harsh, I know. 300 00:12:06,840 --> 00:12:08,354 I've begged them to put in a dimmer. 301 00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:10,557 No. [ Whimpers ] 302 00:12:11,680 --> 00:12:13,433 Surprise. 303 00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:15,876 Manny, we're so sorry. We didn't mean to- 304 00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:18,111 What? Ruin the greatest moment of my life? 305 00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:20,510 - Thanks again, Mom! - ¡Ay! 306 00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:23,240 And the surprised becomes the surpriser. 307 00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:26,040 This party had everything. 308 00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:27,634 [ Gloria ] Manny? 309 00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:32,393 Manny, please come out. 310 00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:35,513 Unless you're here to cut a food slot on my door, you can leave now. 311 00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:38,115 [ Sighs ] Nobody's going to make fun of you. 312 00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:40,192 Kids make fun of you if you get a haircut. 313 00:12:40,320 --> 00:12:42,630 I just gave them a full-blown sex scandal. 314 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:45,952 No. Everybody's so excited to celebrate with you. 315 00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:48,509 [ Groans ] Ay, no. 316 00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:51,434 The baby was ready, but I was not. 317 00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:54,991 It was bad enough that Manny had to share his mother. 318 00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:57,993 I couldn't let him share a birthday too. 319 00:12:58,120 --> 00:13:00,794 You stay in there! I thought you wanted me to come out. 320 00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:02,519 I do! I do! Come out. 321 00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:05,479 We stole you a beautiful birthday-[ Grunts ] cake. 322 00:13:05,560 --> 00:13:07,631 Gloria, tag out. Let me give it a shot. 323 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:10,713 [ Straining ] Yes, you fix it. 324 00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:13,360 Look, I'm not gonna sugarcoat this, kid. That was rough. 325 00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:16,592 [ Manny ] Go away. But there's an upside. 326 00:13:16,680 --> 00:13:19,832 The best thing about kissing a girl is you get to tell your friends. 327 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:21,957 The problem is, they never believe you. 328 00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:23,520 But you had witnesses. 329 00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:26,672 [ Chuckles ] We're gonna be talking about this one for years to come. 330 00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:28,274 You've said it, Kenny. 331 00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:31,114 Manny seems to me like a- like a real old soul. 332 00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,317 Kenny is amazing at telling the age of a soul. 333 00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:35,193 Aw. Thanks, babe. Oh. 334 00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:36,600 [ Chuckles ] 335 00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:39,599 Age is nothin' but a state of mind, you know? [ Claire ] Yeah. 336 00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:42,394 I'm probably more of a 14-year-old than he is, and-Mm-hmm. 337 00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:44,437 [ Chuckles ] Believe me, I know 14-year-olds. 338 00:13:44,560 --> 00:13:46,552 [ Haley ] He has a 14-year-old daughter. Oh, yeah. 339 00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:49,712 Oh, cool! Oh, honey, you don't have to do that. They have a gardener. 340 00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:53,000 Trust me on this. 341 00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:57,472 I want to, but you're just so wrong about so many things. 342 00:13:57,560 --> 00:13:59,279 - Just keep practicing. - Okay. 343 00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:02,518 Hey, Cam, I-I'm so sorry that I insulted you earlier. 344 00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:06,480 I thought that there was something going on at work, and obviously I was wrong. 345 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:09,434 Well, you're wrong again. It is about work. This is a fun game. 346 00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:11,796 I didn't bring it up before because I was embarrassed. 347 00:14:11,880 --> 00:14:15,430 But yesterday was the best day I've had at work yet. 348 00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:17,830 I clicked with the students, the teachers. 349 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:20,435 I finally felt like I belonged. Oh, I get it. 350 00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:23,712 You couldn't possibly get it. I'm in the middle of my story. I'm sorry. 351 00:14:23,840 --> 00:14:27,550 Every day at 2:30 I call Lily, and we dunk a cookie together. 352 00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:30,314 And yesterday... I forgot. 353 00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:33,074 Forgot my own daughter. 354 00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:35,719 And obviously she resents me for it. 355 00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:38,269 It's why she asked you to marry her, to get back at me. 356 00:14:38,360 --> 00:14:41,910 Okay. Here I-I need to point out that she's five and not a character from Dynasty. 357 00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:45,516 And as much as I try to connect with her, I just keep making it worse. 358 00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:47,478 Maybe you're just trying too hard. 359 00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:50,234 Everybody, come in! Manny's coming-[ Grunts ] down. 360 00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:52,789 Somebody pick up that towel before someone trips. 361 00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:58,634 Daddy! Okay! Daddy's coming! What's wrong with me? 362 00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:02,874 Okay, everybody. 363 00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:07,239 So, we sing, then presents, then cake. That's a Colombian tradition. 364 00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:10,438 And we do not speak of what happened before. 365 00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:12,034 Nobody saw anything. 366 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,600 That's another Colombian tradition. 367 00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:16,479 Here he is, the man of the hour! 368 00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:18,871 [ Together ] Happy [ Groans ] 369 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:20,474 Gloria, you okay? 370 00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:22,153 No, I'm fine. I'm fine. 371 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:24,960 Ha- Aaah! Aaah! 372 00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:26,679 No way! She peed! 373 00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:28,837 Her water broke. [ Boy Chuckles ] 374 00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:31,435 So far, 14's not my favorite age. 375 00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:33,955 No, it's nothing. Keep singing. Keep singing. 376 00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:35,952 Ha-¡Ay! Stop it! 377 00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:38,595 We're gonna pop on over to the hospital. Pizza's on the way. 378 00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:40,672 You think about it, run a mop over this area. 379 00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:42,752 Ay, Manny! I'm so sorry, okay? 380 00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:46,117 And the birthday video becomes a nature film. 381 00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:48,635 Luke! Come on. 382 00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:51,872 [ Shrieking In Distance ] Oh, my gosh! It's happening! 383 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:55,072 [ Shrieking Continues ] 384 00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:58,039 Ay, Manny, I am so sorry about today. 385 00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:00,237 I just wanted you to have a happy birthday. 386 00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:02,516 And speaking of birth- [ Grunts ] days- 387 00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:06,196 Don't listen to him. I'm not letting this baby out before midnight. 388 00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:10,354 This is your day. I'm not gonna let you share it every year, okay? 389 00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:11,999 Mom, look. 390 00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:14,595 Yeah, I've felt a little neglected lately. 391 00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:16,831 But I've had you to myself for 14 years. 392 00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:18,912 That makes me a little sad. 393 00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:21,680 Oh, please. If we had actually forgotten his birthday, 394 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:24,150 he'd be out right now kissing a cute brunette. 395 00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:26,038 Things work out. 396 00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:29,636 You know that I love you no matter what? 397 00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:32,872 You're trying to hold another person inside of you to spare my feelings. 398 00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:35,111 Message received. 399 00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:36,714 Mmm. Ooh, that's a strong grip. 400 00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:38,280 Ah, that's-that's-that's-Ooh! Ow. 401 00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:39,316 [ Grunts ] 402 00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:41,312 [ Jay Shrieking In Distance ] 403 00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:43,551 Uh, she's gettin' close. 404 00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:46,474 She's at, like, eight beautiful centimeters. 405 00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:50,670 Hey. I don't think we've met. I'm Kenny. 406 00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:53,400 Hi. I'm disgusted. 407 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:54,960 [ Laughing ] 408 00:16:55,040 --> 00:16:56,713 Mitchell, she won't even look at me. 409 00:16:56,840 --> 00:16:59,639 Well, she can't really look at anyone. I know. 410 00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:02,997 Oh! Look who's back... again. 411 00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:06,198 - What happened this time? - He threw me in the pool. 412 00:17:06,280 --> 00:17:08,078 [ Chuckles ] Oh, no. No, that's not what happened. 413 00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:09,674 [ Laughing ] It kind of is. 414 00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:11,797 [ Stammers ] Luke, come on. We don't need to relive it. 415 00:17:11,880 --> 00:17:13,155 [ Camera Beeps ] [Splash On Camera] 416 00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:14,515 Daddy! Oh, look at this. 417 00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:16,233 I'm coming! Daddy's coming! What's wrong with me? Mitchell. 418 00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:19,233 When she fell in the pool, she screamed for Daddy. 419 00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:21,710 She calls you "Dad." She calls me "Daddy." 420 00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:24,554 - She got scared, and she called out for me. - See? 421 00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:26,597 I guess Daddy was worrying about nothing. 422 00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:29,036 But, you know, I can be silly sometimes. 423 00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:30,799 [ Chuckles ] You're always silly. 424 00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:33,799 No, you're silly. No, you're always silly. 425 00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:35,513 No, you're always silly. [ Thud ] 426 00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:37,000 My God. What's wrong with me? 427 00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:39,232 The contractions are coming a little bit closer. 428 00:17:39,360 --> 00:17:41,670 I think we have to call for a nurse. No, no, no, Jay! 429 00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:43,712 No, please-I'm sorry. For what? 430 00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:47,919 [ Sighs ] I don't know yet. But I know that babies make mothers crazy, 431 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:49,673 and I'm going to be making mistakes, 432 00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:51,513 and then I'm going to be blaming you. 433 00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:54,553 Please don't leave me. You're a little emotional right now. 434 00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:57,394 But it's been so long for me... 435 00:17:57,480 --> 00:17:59,790 and a hundred years for you. 436 00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:01,917 Are we still going to be good at this? 437 00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:04,674 It's gonna be an adventure, but that's what you and I do best. 438 00:18:04,760 --> 00:18:06,240 Look at today. 439 00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:08,755 I can't ever remember having more fun with you. 440 00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:11,071 I'm so lucky. 441 00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:13,755 [ Crying ] Now get out. 442 00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:15,752 - But I thought you wanted me to- - No, not you. 443 00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:18,992 [ Screeching ] Get out! 444 00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:21,629 [ Murmuring ] [ Giggles ] 445 00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:23,677 [ Haley, Kenny Laugh ] 446 00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:25,792 Hey. We should go. Oh, right. 447 00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:27,434 Um, hey, guys. [ Clears Throat ] 448 00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:29,880 So Kenny and I were thinking about going to this restaurant. 449 00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:32,515 Oh, sure. I don't have a problem with that. Do you, Phil? 450 00:18:32,640 --> 00:18:35,474 [ Groans ] No. In fact, it has been such a pleasure... 451 00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:37,074 getting to know Kenny, it's our treat. 452 00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:39,152 - [ Gasps ] Are you kidding? - No! 453 00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:40,833 Give 'em your credit card, Phil. 454 00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:45,711 Also, uh, this restaurant is pretty far away, so we might be out late. 455 00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:48,474 Well, sweetheart, you are only young once. [ Chuckles ] 456 00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:51,200 Well, might even make sense to just stay in a hotel. 457 00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:52,873 Okay. Put it on the plastic. 458 00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:54,030 [ Elevator Bell Dings ] Great! 459 00:18:54,120 --> 00:18:56,715 [ Kenny Chuckles ] Okay. See you tomorrow! 460 00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:58,917 [ Claire ] Bye-bye. [ Cell Phone Beeps ] 461 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:02,391 Ugh. It's my ex-wife-not the good one. [ Elevator Bell Dings ] 462 00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:04,199 [ Kenny ] What do you want? 463 00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:06,590 Nice game of chicken, Claire. She's gone! 464 00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:08,353 She's coming back. I am almost positive. 465 00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:09,550 Almost? Mm-hmm! 466 00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:11,154 Why do I listen to you? Why? 467 00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:12,913 You were wrong about the iPod being a failure. 468 00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:14,957 You were wrong about tomato being a vegetable. 469 00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:17,754 I don't even want to talk about your favorite planet-Pluto! [ Elevator Bell Dings ] 470 00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:22,073 And unless she was lying to the good ladies of The View, it's "De-mi," not "Dem-i"! 471 00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:27,074 [ Elevator Bell Dings ] You were going to let me go with him? 472 00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:28,833 Isn't that what you wanted, honey? 473 00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:30,400 [ Sighs ] What's the matter with you? 474 00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:33,115 You've been acting so weird ever since I left college. 475 00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:36,557 For the record, you didn't leave college. You were asked to leave. 476 00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:39,155 Oh, which you guys never let me forget, especially Dad. 477 00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:40,839 Honey, your father- 478 00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:43,037 Oh, you don't have to tell me what he thinks, okay? 479 00:19:43,160 --> 00:19:45,800 I'm a huge disappointment to him. I see it on his face every day. 480 00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:48,076 He acts as if he doesn't even want me around. [ Elevator Bell Dings ] 481 00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:49,879 - Give me the ticket for the car. - Phil- 482 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:53,198 I'm going after her! This chicken game may work for your dad, but it doesn't for me. 483 00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:55,033 That's my little girl. I need her to know... 484 00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:57,077 that no guy on earth is good enough for her, 485 00:19:57,160 --> 00:19:59,356 let alone some slimy, middle-aged jeans salesman! 486 00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:05,116 - What's this? - Just enjoy it. 487 00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:09,358 There's all kinds of milestones in life, 488 00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:11,272 the kind you expect to live through- 489 00:20:11,360 --> 00:20:13,829 first kiss, 490 00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:15,798 birthdays, 491 00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,712 graduations. 492 00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:20,951 If you're lucky, a wedding or two. 493 00:20:23,120 --> 00:20:25,316 Or even a new addition to the family. 494 00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:32,438 Then there's the kind you never dreamed you'd get to live through again. 495 00:20:32,520 --> 00:20:34,239 [ Chattering ] So adorable. 496 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:35,800 [ Mitchell ] So sweet. 497 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:38,560 - [ Phil ] Oh, my goodness. - Oh. 498 00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:42,429 [ Chattering Continues ] 499 00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:48,758 And that's the best kind of all. 500 00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:50,160 [ Baby Fusses ] 501 00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:52,118 Why am I spoiling it for you? 502 00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:54,032 You'll see for yourself. 503 00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:01,160 Oh, was it difficult? Sí. 504 00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:03,715 It was the most painful 20 minutes of my life. 505 00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:06,031 Mmm. Oh, well, look at that. 506 00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:07,680 You're skinny again. Yeah. 507 00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:09,274 Yeah. 508 00:21:09,360 --> 00:21:10,794 So wait. He-He's my uncle? 509 00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:12,553 No. He's your half brother-in-law. 510 00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:14,831 He's our uncle. Half uncle or full uncle? 511 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:17,515 What's a "fuluncle"? Okay. So don't feel like you gotta stick around. 512 00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:19,552 Okay. We'll see you tomorrow then. Okay, we'll be back tomorrow. 513 00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:21,080 [ Alex ] Bye, Uncle. Congrats. 514 00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:23,356 [ Phil ] He's adorable. 515 00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:25,109 Is he? 516 00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:27,715 I don't like this one bit. 517 00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:29,314 We'll talk. 518 00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:31,560 [ Chuckling ]